Ok,
So my 'puter's still down, but I'm using a replacement, I've got... no real reason why I can't finish this up. I'm in the middle of Holiday Hell, but there are only 2 more stories to really tell. So, I'm gonna get my act together and work this out, 'cuz I've promised some people I would.
I will be continuing my rant against the general public in another blog, dealing with my work (ehem) in retail.
I will finish.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ok, folks. My computer just died so there will be a pause before the story can continue. But how were we supposed to figure that with your consistent blogging, I hear you cry out. Sorry, folks, I will get to it eventually.
Donations for the Cruella Fund can be sent to me. No pennies please.
This sucks!
Donations for the Cruella Fund can be sent to me. No pennies please.
This sucks!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Did you say crack-whore?
Well, first off, I want to apologize for the delay in the story. Between work & the wedding... well, I just couldn't get to it. I know there's a lot still to tell so here we go!
As we are waiting for the other suckers, umh, bride's maids (bms)to arrive, I ask my SLS about the family, so I can have some kind of clue of what to expect. She says that they're kinda quiet but really nice. Great. So are most sociopaths until they try to put your spleen on their barbeque. However, I'm not too worried about it, because I've got personality to spare, so I'll fill in all the awkward pauses with wit and joie de vivre. And I carry mace. I'm promptly told that that isn't necessary and please try not to scare them, which goes to show, that my SLS is pretty damn smart.
So the bms start to arrive. We have the Future Mother-in-Law (FMIN), and the future sister-in-law/bm, another bm (a cousin on his side), the flower girl and her mom (who are related again on his side). (Ok, short aside. The mom of the FG was a riot! She would be the only other person during this whole thing who saw how freakin' hysterical this all was. Clearly, she married into the family. She & I had a blast at the reception, but I'll get to that...eventually. YOU ROCK!)
So, everyone starts milling around, looking at dresses, and I have to introduce myself to everyone. Now, when did introductions go out of style? My SLS didn't do it once for me, and they all looked surprised, like oh, we though you were a random person who was talking familiarly with the bride. Not once did anyone in the bridal party introduce me to other family members during any function and this is the only thing that truly pissed me off! Ok, deep breath... and let it go.
Back to the milling...
So the first thing that the FMIN picks up is the the navy blue "dress" and seriously asks, what about this one? SLS & I start laughing and I'm all "sure that'll look great" (heavy sarcasm). And she starts to put it in the try-on pile. SLS has to gently tell her that we were joking. She looks up all serious-like and says: "really?" At this point, I started wishing I'd brought a flask. And a gun. And a really big shovel. So I decide to take over the dress choices. I start picking out dresses I could live with and start asking their opinions on them. Silence. Crickets. Finally, I state that I'm just going to pick out a neon green mini dress and go with it. Finally I get a response. "Oh, we don't care what kind of dress it is, but it has to be formal length." This from the FMIN. Prey tell, why would we want to wear a full length bridesmaid's dress at an outdoor wedding in the summer? Why? Why? The whole thing is supposed to be casual. Why? Oh, we find out why. The FSIN has tattoos on her leg, and she doesn't want her daddy to know. Whaaaa? This chick is in her 30's, and she can't tell her daddy she has tattoos? Where the hell is my flask! I'm about to start a fuss, when I look over to my SLS and rein myself back. My rational is that the length of the skirt can always be changed, and its more important to pick a dress first.
I bring to the attention of the group that what we should do is each pick out a style of the mix&match set that is flattering to our body type and just have is all the same color! That way us zaftig girls don't have to squeeze into some kinda strapless tube thingy or deal with a halter top(I look like a linebacker in a halter top, shudder). We would all look like a collection in the matching color, but the individual choices would present us, the ravishing beauties that we are. Well, at least I am. When not in a halter top that is. Don't judge!
Now, am I crazy in thinking this is a great compromise? The bride was ok with it. We know what the color is going to be, and you pick what you want. How freakin easy is that? Well, I may as well as asked them to wear a tuxedo, because everyone freaked out. How can we not match? We'll look 'wrong'. You know what looks wrong? Ugly glasses. The entire family wears really bad, atrocious looking 80's tinted, round-ish glasses. Seriously. The kind that will never be cool or look good on anyone. The kind that no one wants to admit that they're wearing in their grade school yearbooks. Entire family. And they're giving me style pointers? Why not just dress from the LL Bean catalog and all wear John Deere caps while doing keg stands? Of course the bride & groom get to go first. Wouldn't want to be uncouth! I guess I'm still learning the proper protocol for gettin' hitched in hicksville.
What actually came out of my mouth was: "Fine, you pick out something." Now, to those who know me, you know the self restraint that was going on. I truly was trying not to stress out the bride, but I was done. D-U-N, done. The other bm, picked from the mix&match section a 2pc sweetheart neckline and full A-line skirt. I was ok with it, and of course the FSIN had no opinion, so we tried it on. Now, I said we, but in reality trying on bridesmaid dresses is an absolute horror if your not, like, Kate Moss after a particularly hard night of snorting and puking. There was nothing in my size, which according to the designers fucked up sense of size is a 26. 26. A fucking 26. I am not a fucking 26. Shit, I'm not even 26 anymore. I had a minor heart attack when the dress lady told me my size. And, they have the gall to charge extra over a certain size, which of course I had to pay. The dress lady had to calm me down by explaining that they have their own sizing chart. But still, 26! Anyway, the other bm tried it on, and it actually looked cute. I know I would rock in all my size 26 glory, so I said that's the one, ok? Everyone kinda agreed, and I said: "great, let's get going on the ordering." The FSIN then had a comment. I want full length sleeves. Yeah, well I want to marry Eric Close, but we don't always get what we want, biotch. This is the following conversation, pretty much verbatim:
Me: Is there a shawl, or shrug that goes with the dress?
FSIN: Yes.
Me: Well, there ya go.
FSIN: But I don't want to hold on to the shawl the entire time.
Me: Make a jacket. I don't care. I'm not going to be a column of fabric.
FSIN: But..
Me walking away.
Now, I can be a little aggressive and, shall I say it, selfish (hardly ever) sometimes, but come on. In freaking September. Full length sleaves and gown? Who the hell is going to be at this wedding, the Amish? At least they have a better sense of style (black rocks!). I nixed it. Thankfully, SLS jumped in and said she did not want full length sleeves, so the issue was settled. Finally we have a decent choice of a dress, and I'm happy cuz the girls can breathe. http://www.ginnis.com/cgi-bin/description.asp?dress=G472ft.jpg
We had to wait for the FG & the bride to try on their dresses, so we all hung around to ohh and ahh at them. While we were waiting, I spotted some tiaras. Ok, who can resist something pretty and shiny and crown-like? Unless you have super human will powers, no one. Mother Theresa would have gone: "ohh ohh ohh!" So, I promptly put one on my head. Damn. I almost bought it. If you've never had a tiara on your head, go find one now! It is aaawwesooome! And then I made everyone else put one on. Hee. Hee. Mine is an evil laugh. They resisted, but finally succumbed to the power of the tiara. I got a couple of giggles out of them. Finally, proof that they are human. Then they took it off. I kept mine on until we were ready to walk out that door. Can you blame me?
After what seemed like an eternity, we all went our separate ways. Again, this is my first time in a wedding, I would have thought that maybe we'd go and hang out and maybe get to know each other. Nope, scattered like roaches in the light. Fine, quality time with the SLS. We started talking about everything, and the gods help me, I brought up the whole sleeves/tattoo incident. SLS promptly explained everything. I guess in her "sowing her wild oats" phase, she became addicted to crack. This in itself is not funny. In fact, I do appreciate the hard work she put in to straighten up her life. However, whilst she was addicted to crack, she became a crackwhore. I said, a whaaa? Crackwhore. As in, whored herself out for crack. Again, not funny, but I'm going to hell anyways, so I started to laugh. While she was high she got her arm and leg covered in large tats, and that's why she wanted to cover them up. Now, I feel for her. Well, not really, but there is a feeling aimed at her. She could easily invest in some tattoo make up, but that would be too easy. So there's a crackwhore in the wedding party. Laugh along with me, folks. It's ok, no one's looking.
To make matters worse, I then asked about what the groomsmen would be wearing. Camo, I was promptly told. I almost had to change my pants. It was the only stipulation from the groom. He wanted camo. I asked, camo what? Vests and ties. Ok, so we've got a tuxedo clad man with a camo vest & tie. So, if they wanted to runaway they'd have a better chance of getting away? Now, like most of you reading this I'm thinking to myself: "Self, do they make camo vests and/or ties?" Well, guess what? They do! In fact 2 different types. Now, how can there be 2 different types of camo. One for winter and one for fall? Don't be ridiculous! There's military camo and hunting camo, e.g. mossy oak. They choose mossy oak. The really scary thing is that it didn't look that bad. I think I'm being taken over by the pod people. Check out this website for an idea of what it looks like!
https://s.p10.hostingprod.com/@www.theformalsportsman.com/ssl/index.htm
Well, that was the beginning. The next installment will deal with the Bridal Shower, and finally the wedding day! With pix!
As we are waiting for the other suckers, umh, bride's maids (bms)to arrive, I ask my SLS about the family, so I can have some kind of clue of what to expect. She says that they're kinda quiet but really nice. Great. So are most sociopaths until they try to put your spleen on their barbeque. However, I'm not too worried about it, because I've got personality to spare, so I'll fill in all the awkward pauses with wit and joie de vivre. And I carry mace. I'm promptly told that that isn't necessary and please try not to scare them, which goes to show, that my SLS is pretty damn smart.
So the bms start to arrive. We have the Future Mother-in-Law (FMIN), and the future sister-in-law/bm, another bm (a cousin on his side), the flower girl and her mom (who are related again on his side). (Ok, short aside. The mom of the FG was a riot! She would be the only other person during this whole thing who saw how freakin' hysterical this all was. Clearly, she married into the family. She & I had a blast at the reception, but I'll get to that...eventually. YOU ROCK!)
So, everyone starts milling around, looking at dresses, and I have to introduce myself to everyone. Now, when did introductions go out of style? My SLS didn't do it once for me, and they all looked surprised, like oh, we though you were a random person who was talking familiarly with the bride. Not once did anyone in the bridal party introduce me to other family members during any function and this is the only thing that truly pissed me off! Ok, deep breath... and let it go.
Back to the milling...
So the first thing that the FMIN picks up is the the navy blue "dress" and seriously asks, what about this one? SLS & I start laughing and I'm all "sure that'll look great" (heavy sarcasm). And she starts to put it in the try-on pile. SLS has to gently tell her that we were joking. She looks up all serious-like and says: "really?" At this point, I started wishing I'd brought a flask. And a gun. And a really big shovel. So I decide to take over the dress choices. I start picking out dresses I could live with and start asking their opinions on them. Silence. Crickets. Finally, I state that I'm just going to pick out a neon green mini dress and go with it. Finally I get a response. "Oh, we don't care what kind of dress it is, but it has to be formal length." This from the FMIN. Prey tell, why would we want to wear a full length bridesmaid's dress at an outdoor wedding in the summer? Why? Why? The whole thing is supposed to be casual. Why? Oh, we find out why. The FSIN has tattoos on her leg, and she doesn't want her daddy to know. Whaaaa? This chick is in her 30's, and she can't tell her daddy she has tattoos? Where the hell is my flask! I'm about to start a fuss, when I look over to my SLS and rein myself back. My rational is that the length of the skirt can always be changed, and its more important to pick a dress first.
I bring to the attention of the group that what we should do is each pick out a style of the mix&match set that is flattering to our body type and just have is all the same color! That way us zaftig girls don't have to squeeze into some kinda strapless tube thingy or deal with a halter top(I look like a linebacker in a halter top, shudder). We would all look like a collection in the matching color, but the individual choices would present us, the ravishing beauties that we are. Well, at least I am. When not in a halter top that is. Don't judge!
Now, am I crazy in thinking this is a great compromise? The bride was ok with it. We know what the color is going to be, and you pick what you want. How freakin easy is that? Well, I may as well as asked them to wear a tuxedo, because everyone freaked out. How can we not match? We'll look 'wrong'. You know what looks wrong? Ugly glasses. The entire family wears really bad, atrocious looking 80's tinted, round-ish glasses. Seriously. The kind that will never be cool or look good on anyone. The kind that no one wants to admit that they're wearing in their grade school yearbooks. Entire family. And they're giving me style pointers? Why not just dress from the LL Bean catalog and all wear John Deere caps while doing keg stands? Of course the bride & groom get to go first. Wouldn't want to be uncouth! I guess I'm still learning the proper protocol for gettin' hitched in hicksville.
What actually came out of my mouth was: "Fine, you pick out something." Now, to those who know me, you know the self restraint that was going on. I truly was trying not to stress out the bride, but I was done. D-U-N, done. The other bm, picked from the mix&match section a 2pc sweetheart neckline and full A-line skirt. I was ok with it, and of course the FSIN had no opinion, so we tried it on. Now, I said we, but in reality trying on bridesmaid dresses is an absolute horror if your not, like, Kate Moss after a particularly hard night of snorting and puking. There was nothing in my size, which according to the designers fucked up sense of size is a 26. 26. A fucking 26. I am not a fucking 26. Shit, I'm not even 26 anymore. I had a minor heart attack when the dress lady told me my size. And, they have the gall to charge extra over a certain size, which of course I had to pay. The dress lady had to calm me down by explaining that they have their own sizing chart. But still, 26! Anyway, the other bm tried it on, and it actually looked cute. I know I would rock in all my size 26 glory, so I said that's the one, ok? Everyone kinda agreed, and I said: "great, let's get going on the ordering." The FSIN then had a comment. I want full length sleeves. Yeah, well I want to marry Eric Close, but we don't always get what we want, biotch. This is the following conversation, pretty much verbatim:
Me: Is there a shawl, or shrug that goes with the dress?
FSIN: Yes.
Me: Well, there ya go.
FSIN: But I don't want to hold on to the shawl the entire time.
Me: Make a jacket. I don't care. I'm not going to be a column of fabric.
FSIN: But..
Me walking away.
Now, I can be a little aggressive and, shall I say it, selfish (hardly ever) sometimes, but come on. In freaking September. Full length sleaves and gown? Who the hell is going to be at this wedding, the Amish? At least they have a better sense of style (black rocks!). I nixed it. Thankfully, SLS jumped in and said she did not want full length sleeves, so the issue was settled. Finally we have a decent choice of a dress, and I'm happy cuz the girls can breathe. http://www.ginnis.com/cgi-bin/description.asp?dress=G472ft.jpg
We had to wait for the FG & the bride to try on their dresses, so we all hung around to ohh and ahh at them. While we were waiting, I spotted some tiaras. Ok, who can resist something pretty and shiny and crown-like? Unless you have super human will powers, no one. Mother Theresa would have gone: "ohh ohh ohh!" So, I promptly put one on my head. Damn. I almost bought it. If you've never had a tiara on your head, go find one now! It is aaawwesooome! And then I made everyone else put one on. Hee. Hee. Mine is an evil laugh. They resisted, but finally succumbed to the power of the tiara. I got a couple of giggles out of them. Finally, proof that they are human. Then they took it off. I kept mine on until we were ready to walk out that door. Can you blame me?
After what seemed like an eternity, we all went our separate ways. Again, this is my first time in a wedding, I would have thought that maybe we'd go and hang out and maybe get to know each other. Nope, scattered like roaches in the light. Fine, quality time with the SLS. We started talking about everything, and the gods help me, I brought up the whole sleeves/tattoo incident. SLS promptly explained everything. I guess in her "sowing her wild oats" phase, she became addicted to crack. This in itself is not funny. In fact, I do appreciate the hard work she put in to straighten up her life. However, whilst she was addicted to crack, she became a crackwhore. I said, a whaaa? Crackwhore. As in, whored herself out for crack. Again, not funny, but I'm going to hell anyways, so I started to laugh. While she was high she got her arm and leg covered in large tats, and that's why she wanted to cover them up. Now, I feel for her. Well, not really, but there is a feeling aimed at her. She could easily invest in some tattoo make up, but that would be too easy. So there's a crackwhore in the wedding party. Laugh along with me, folks. It's ok, no one's looking.
To make matters worse, I then asked about what the groomsmen would be wearing. Camo, I was promptly told. I almost had to change my pants. It was the only stipulation from the groom. He wanted camo. I asked, camo what? Vests and ties. Ok, so we've got a tuxedo clad man with a camo vest & tie. So, if they wanted to runaway they'd have a better chance of getting away? Now, like most of you reading this I'm thinking to myself: "Self, do they make camo vests and/or ties?" Well, guess what? They do! In fact 2 different types. Now, how can there be 2 different types of camo. One for winter and one for fall? Don't be ridiculous! There's military camo and hunting camo, e.g. mossy oak. They choose mossy oak. The really scary thing is that it didn't look that bad. I think I'm being taken over by the pod people. Check out this website for an idea of what it looks like!
https://s.p10.hostingprod.com/@www.theformalsportsman.com/ssl/index.htm
Well, that was the beginning. The next installment will deal with the Bridal Shower, and finally the wedding day! With pix!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Cue the horror music...
Continuing on with the world's white trashiest wedding ever...
I really had no idea how horrifying this experience would be until mid January of this year. I finally had the opportunity to visit home after being away for a year and half, and I was thrilled to finally see my family again. I was packing a lot of visiting into 6 days back, including (dum dum dum) bridesmaids' dress shopping, shudder along with me folks. Now, I know this is not my wedding (duh), but I did have some ground rules for my dress. I had heard the horror stories of girls getting hideously fugly, fuschia monstrosities that are a waste of money and cause little children to run away screaming, and I don't have the money for ridiculous dresses or the requisite therapy that the little children will need. Ground rules: no pink of any kind( SLS LOVES pink), no accessories on my ass (I don't need anything emphasizing it thank you very much), and let's get something that's flattering for everybody.
Now, SLS was very accommodating for her part. She wanted the bridesmaids to wear a khaki/sage-y green that I quite approved of. It's a flattering color on me (if I do say so myself) and works well with an outdoor wedding. We drove to the bridal shop together and I tried to, uhh, subtly suggest that the bridesmaids didn't have to be matchy-matchy. I told her about the last couple of weddings I'd attended and how well a little creativity could make the party unique but still attractive. Now granted, one had a guy as the MoH, in a kilt no less, and the other just had a jewel tone theme (the girls got to have any style dress and any color as long as it was a gemstone), so I can understand if that seems a little "out there" for a semi conservative small town girl (hey I love ya guys!). She seemed ok with the idea of seeing what the options were going to be.
We were the first to arrive and it was a typical bridal shop in a small town. Think the dress shop in "The Sweetest Thing". It was bad prom and bridesmaid's dresses as far as the eye can see, and we promptly started mocking all of it. I started going around telling my SLS which dresses I would NOT be wearing, including a navy blue fake 2 piece ... thing. A fake 2 piece dress, meaning it "looked" like it was a skirt and corset, but in fact was "not". I pulled the dress out and my SLS immediately started laughing, saying "uhh, I don't think so." We went around looking at other dresses, and pulling possible ones to try on when the others arrived. Now, for those of you who have had the misfortune of going dress hunting, it is not easy trying to find something that has class and ... class. We found a set of 2 piece dresses that you can mix & match tops with skirt, which would have been an ideal compromise. Everyone would have the same color dress, and we can pick a style that would flatter each of us. So this was the plan for when the others arrived...
I really had no idea how horrifying this experience would be until mid January of this year. I finally had the opportunity to visit home after being away for a year and half, and I was thrilled to finally see my family again. I was packing a lot of visiting into 6 days back, including (dum dum dum) bridesmaids' dress shopping, shudder along with me folks. Now, I know this is not my wedding (duh), but I did have some ground rules for my dress. I had heard the horror stories of girls getting hideously fugly, fuschia monstrosities that are a waste of money and cause little children to run away screaming, and I don't have the money for ridiculous dresses or the requisite therapy that the little children will need. Ground rules: no pink of any kind( SLS LOVES pink), no accessories on my ass (I don't need anything emphasizing it thank you very much), and let's get something that's flattering for everybody.
Now, SLS was very accommodating for her part. She wanted the bridesmaids to wear a khaki/sage-y green that I quite approved of. It's a flattering color on me (if I do say so myself) and works well with an outdoor wedding. We drove to the bridal shop together and I tried to, uhh, subtly suggest that the bridesmaids didn't have to be matchy-matchy. I told her about the last couple of weddings I'd attended and how well a little creativity could make the party unique but still attractive. Now granted, one had a guy as the MoH, in a kilt no less, and the other just had a jewel tone theme (the girls got to have any style dress and any color as long as it was a gemstone), so I can understand if that seems a little "out there" for a semi conservative small town girl (hey I love ya guys!). She seemed ok with the idea of seeing what the options were going to be.
We were the first to arrive and it was a typical bridal shop in a small town. Think the dress shop in "The Sweetest Thing". It was bad prom and bridesmaid's dresses as far as the eye can see, and we promptly started mocking all of it. I started going around telling my SLS which dresses I would NOT be wearing, including a navy blue fake 2 piece ... thing. A fake 2 piece dress, meaning it "looked" like it was a skirt and corset, but in fact was "not". I pulled the dress out and my SLS immediately started laughing, saying "uhh, I don't think so." We went around looking at other dresses, and pulling possible ones to try on when the others arrived. Now, for those of you who have had the misfortune of going dress hunting, it is not easy trying to find something that has class and ... class. We found a set of 2 piece dresses that you can mix & match tops with skirt, which would have been an ideal compromise. Everyone would have the same color dress, and we can pick a style that would flatter each of us. So this was the plan for when the others arrived...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
My Best Friend's Wedding
Well, I guess I should start out with explaining the name of this blog. My brother has this habit of thinking up the most bizarre and sometimes rather disgusting nicknames for me, this one happens to be one of the top two most often used, and frankly, I resemble that remark. I'm diabolically evil (bwahhhh!) and sometimes, well, lets just say my Polish takes over.
Anyway, the point (there has to be a point?) of all this is that my Surrogate Li'l Sis (SLS) is getting married on 9/1 and the level of white trashiness that this wedding has achieved needs to be, nay deserves to be recounted. It'll take me a bit to get the story straight, but oh, what a story it is. So, gather around the trashcan fire folks, grab a flannel shirt and some chew and prepare to see how the other half prepares for a wedding!
I will preface this with one statement which is true and sincere: I love my SLS to death! I wish nothing but the best for her and her future old man ( who is a decent guy). But, come on! Ok, that was more than one statement, but the point has been made, I wouldn't have agreed to be a part of this wedding if I didn't care.
It all started with a voice mail. My SLS left me an excited message about "great news". My immediate thought was 1) she's knocked up or B) she's knocked up and getting married. Well, I was half right. She'd just got engaged, which was great news and she wanted me to be her Maid of Honor (MoH). Ok, this was my first time participating in a wedding and I was excited. It seems like a bunch of my friends were getting married. I was going to a wedding every 9-12 mths, so to be on the other side was kinda cool. Right? Ha. This process has completely convinced me that elopement is the way to go.
So my 1st act of MoH was to get her a wedding planner, book not person that is, and sent that and a bunch of magazine with ideas to her. I live in Philly and warned her that I wouldn't be able to do many of the things that MoHs usually do, but I would do what I could. My 1st indication that this wedding may be "interesting" was when she told me where the wedding would take place: outside. I was thrilled, I thought that this would really romantic, especially in late summer in Western PA. (Except for the weather. Hell, that's what it can feel like in late summer in Western PA.) I asked her where exactly. A field on his parents' property, they were going to build a gazebo for the wedding. Ok, I'm envisioning a beautiful meadow with a cute wooden gazebo with flowers and blowing gossamer material accenting the beautiful blushing bride and the shack where the bridal party would get ready at. That's right: shack. Which still hasn't been built yet, and its less than 3 wks to the wedding. And we don't know where we're getting dressed yet. But, I'm jumping ahead.
TBC...
Anyway, the point (there has to be a point?) of all this is that my Surrogate Li'l Sis (SLS) is getting married on 9/1 and the level of white trashiness that this wedding has achieved needs to be, nay deserves to be recounted. It'll take me a bit to get the story straight, but oh, what a story it is. So, gather around the trashcan fire folks, grab a flannel shirt and some chew and prepare to see how the other half prepares for a wedding!
I will preface this with one statement which is true and sincere: I love my SLS to death! I wish nothing but the best for her and her future old man ( who is a decent guy). But, come on! Ok, that was more than one statement, but the point has been made, I wouldn't have agreed to be a part of this wedding if I didn't care.
It all started with a voice mail. My SLS left me an excited message about "great news". My immediate thought was 1) she's knocked up or B) she's knocked up and getting married. Well, I was half right. She'd just got engaged, which was great news and she wanted me to be her Maid of Honor (MoH). Ok, this was my first time participating in a wedding and I was excited. It seems like a bunch of my friends were getting married. I was going to a wedding every 9-12 mths, so to be on the other side was kinda cool. Right? Ha. This process has completely convinced me that elopement is the way to go.
So my 1st act of MoH was to get her a wedding planner, book not person that is, and sent that and a bunch of magazine with ideas to her. I live in Philly and warned her that I wouldn't be able to do many of the things that MoHs usually do, but I would do what I could. My 1st indication that this wedding may be "interesting" was when she told me where the wedding would take place: outside. I was thrilled, I thought that this would really romantic, especially in late summer in Western PA. (Except for the weather. Hell, that's what it can feel like in late summer in Western PA.) I asked her where exactly. A field on his parents' property, they were going to build a gazebo for the wedding. Ok, I'm envisioning a beautiful meadow with a cute wooden gazebo with flowers and blowing gossamer material accenting the beautiful blushing bride and the shack where the bridal party would get ready at. That's right: shack. Which still hasn't been built yet, and its less than 3 wks to the wedding. And we don't know where we're getting dressed yet. But, I'm jumping ahead.
TBC...
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